honesty

To accomplish change, we do need to ask: why are men and women not better friends, in all but a tiny few relationships?

The primary causes would be:

1. they do not view each other as equals, but as “the opposite sex”. Which then provides the illusion of want. Want being, sex is desirable/ rather than the woman or man is desirable. This establishes a third party: standing in the middle, is involved.
2. Sex then becomes the negotiator; and it is based in chemicals. Unless you get past the sex, to become real human beings (not animals) to each other. Who will then attempt to find peace and security in each other before accepting the passions that make sex more than chemicals connections. Sex is no longer in the middle in this case/ but exists as part of me and you.
3. Sex without the reality of “being alive within each other as love desires”/ becomes a chemical addiction. Which then becomes: you have what I need and want; rather than the person I love and desire. Need and want, can bring out the worst in people. While true love and desire for each other can bring out the best in people.
4. People make sex and dating into a game: to determine who is the winner here. That game detracts from the reality of “humans being alive and passionate about each other”; and makes the game itself what the human animal is about: being, “winner or loser”/ I have a trophy. Rather than a human connection with love, caring, and sharing.
5. People choose to be animals: wanting sex, and failing life. Which makes the people in their lives, little more than a herd. Herds conceive of sex in an entirely different way; than does a living “human, being alive”.
6. We are biologically driven to choose a mate, that will produce “the best” offspring we can. Therefore we choose by sight, sound, and so on for the purpose of children; if possible. “those called to have a lovely body or mind” are given first conception. Those who have attained a beautiful identity inside, must be found; they are not simply “on display”. Either way, this is a search; and a search does not conform to the best friend I can be. It is what it is; because the body and mind for the next generation, comes first. Not just you.
7. The want of sex, destroys the passion of sex; and people are hurt, and damaged. Making it impossible for a time, to trust the other gender, anymore.
8. People lie; to hide their true intention. People shop to gain what they otherwise cannot have. People manipulate to control your decision. People use each other as a stepping stone to get what they want more, “than you”. People cheat, and pretend to be what they are not. People betray, and lure each other into traps. People use sex as a weapon or a tool. People disrespect and ridicule each other, by spreading what was demanded to be confidential. People humiliate each other, and try to gain the upper hand. People threaten, and use fear to enforce a slavery. Just to begin. The consequence is: the value of each gender is diminished/ and cannot be trusted.
9. Women use sex to gain a baby, and then demand payment/ and may or may not deny access to the child. Teaching the child: “bad parent”/ true or not, because they only wanted a child, not the man. Men tempt, and lie to women with various things to gain a child; which they then may or may not be willing to pay for. Both use traps, whether hidden or in plain view.
10. The value of man to man is: that we can do these things together, helping each other if we are friends. I am not a woman! The value of woman to man is: that we can do “the other things together”/ but it is no other aid to living and working for life. The value of woman diminishes in this day; because “she believes the man, no matter how hard he works/ should be doing all the other household work too”. Even if she does not work. But the same is true of men; who believe no matter how hard a woman might work in society; she must do all the other household work too. And fails to help, by simply abandoning fair play. When you fail each other as such, respect and value, dies as well.
11. To be true lifelong friends, it is absolutely necessary to share the same journey with each other as best you can. Because what we share, will become the home in which we chose to care. As is the evidence of helping me and you. Building a home inside your heart for us both to share, is a deliberate decision, that cannot form without trust. Trust must be earned, and kept as a treasure, that is best: never to be spent.
12. When we argue and shout, as some do: the value of our lives together is being tested/ and the decision we each then make will be measured; as worth the effort or not. This is a judgment, and it is the result of not enough love or trust to displace your lack of truth or respect. To live with someone who is not your honest soulmate; is a constant of the human race. Because fear and loneliness/ or just playing the game overrides the desire to form friendships, and then begin the journey that can become more than just companions, for sex/ or money/ or whatever.

These are, some of the elements that make the lives of men and women living together, far less than it could be. While perfection is never attainable on earth, the value of your smile, the honesty of your heart, and the purpose of your love: share the journey as nothing less can. Live for these, and you will do better.

As to the living, male to female intended, or expected for love/ rather than merely sex; as is far too many. There are rules

1. DON’T make me your slave.
2. DO, help me, help us survive and do well.
3. DON’T make me change/ OR attempt to change me: but do help me to understand how I might be a better friend, or lover, to you.
4. Respect keep us living together in happiness/ anything less will have consequences including divorce.
5. Truth is the basis of respect, and it accomplishes that with the evidence that is simple and plain.
6. Trust binds us together, if it fails we are no longer a couple/ no longer in love; even if life forces us to remain in the same house.
7. Freedom fills the void with happiness, if it achieves order, balance, and discipline as is assigned by thought. Freedom that is simply free; will most often fail, and damage life itself. Therefore be free, but be true to our lives and hopes for a future.
8. Happiness is the cherished realm of hope, without hope there is no happiness. Therefore to hope, is to live a life worth living. The consequence of that is: each must choose love, because hope is the child of love/ and never hate. Survival is only survival; bear in mind the cost of your time, and body; as that is the life you spend. If you must/ then you must, but do make that your choice; rather than your slavery, by setting limits when they are needed.
9. To have Children, is a decision that is NEVER made alone/ we are both to be responsible. A child is ours/ not just yours. Beyond infant, a child requires you to listen and be heard; so that the years to come will grow with love and friendship as well as family.
10. If you live within your means, you can inherit time and options for later. If you don’t/ then we can end in trouble, and our relationship becomes riddled with pain.
11. Want is an enemy, because it is an abyss (never filled for long). Choose life instead, as best we can. Always be informed, before making a decision with real consequences/ it is absolutely necessary; do the work.
12. Pride is an enemy, because it makes our lives into a game/ and every game has a winner or loser to prove who gets the trophy. Be equals instead. Fight for justice, rather than trophies or power.ALWAYS CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING, that can never be undone. DO THINK about living the rest of your life, with the decision you are about to make: it will be in your brain/ a memory that will not leave. CONSIDER THE TRUTH: is it worth the price? Because even very young children, can become witnesses to your failures/ OR, the value of your life.
13. You should understand clearly: that want controls the direction of your brain/ while desire assembles and creates the path of your heart and soul. The difference is: that want needs no other decision/ it is whatever it is, by your own “animal lust”. It is the herd animal, screaming MINE. Meaning this creature does what it does, without further consideration of the cost or consequences; but it still varies with the individual. DESIRE, is an elemental search for the values that life has to offer. It hears and knows love, therefore it trusts truth, and always considers the consequence before an action is taken; when life is involved. This is a path, because it uncovers the value of your own heart, and conceives of the love and law within your own soul. That is an individual creation, involving the identity called “I”.
14. you should know, that the difference between men and women is far greater than either can recognize. Which means, your decision is not going to be made in the same way as her decision will be: UNLESS you let truth decide for you both. Because then, it is not you or me, that gets to make the decision: allowing that we then indeed equals. But truth becomes our guide, and our partner; which then gives the third vote to break a tie based upon “the most important way”. Because truth is in fact never wrong/ even if your interpretation of that truth is. When we do the best we can: if truth is not plain enough/ then any decision that can wait, will wait until truth has been made clear. Neither male nor female is then dominant, we are the same/ because truth decides for us. But make no mistake, if it is about my work/ and you do not participate in that work; to any degree, then I will have the final say; so long as the consequences of that decision are within the truth of what drives the work, for our survival/ is not just want. So long as it does not impact you to any great degree, that you are unwilling to accept: because we do live as one.
15. In terms of male to female sexual relationships, the realities involved are very simple. DON’T belittle or compete with each other/ you are equals, and must remain so to share true joy! Men should NEVER use women: which means DON’T love your penis/ use it to prove you love, and honestly desire to make love (together we are one soul) with, your “lover”. If you fail, and love your penis more: her desire will fail, and so will your opportunities for sex. IF your heart searches for the life and love and sex that you can share for the beauty and grace that touches each heart equally/ then nothing else will matter, and each decision will be “good”. Women should NEVER manipulate a man with sex: she will be found out/ and upon discovery of that fact, trust will die at least a little. That does rob the treasury of your lives. Allow for being tired/ allow for being less than your best at times/ be honest with your mate. Reality does state: those who do love each other, will desire to remain sexually attractive, to each other; and physically able; as best we can, with discipline/ order/ and balance to our lives “for you”. Love is a miracle of creation itself, that intensifies when male and female find a heart that beats “as one life shared”. If you seek and share souls/ then you seek and respect GOD with honest truth because you recognize all the miracles in your life; a reality of caring enough to give back, “just a little”. BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, every time; it is little enough between you to prove respect is real.There is an epidemic of “wallpapering (tattoo’s)”; TRY to avoid it. If you have something to say/ then say it, or do it; don’t just wimp out.
16. To complete this work, I remind you of this: that the weaker one has rights, and desires, and freedoms, and needs, and participates directly in your own happiness. To achieve happiness for you/ you need to achieve happiness for them: it is an equal opportunity life purpose. If you fail that purpose/ then you fail each other. If you assume control, and use your body, life, money, whatever to achieve your own personal want: instead of what is best for both. Then you have taken both lives, for a ride they cannot share. Then you have created a situation, where neither will accept true care. Then you chose to be proud, instead of equal; and that defeats love between you both. Making love itself harder to do; as separation, becomes isolation/ and therefrom loneliness. Because I have no true say. Let the reality prove: we were equals, and knew that would remain so. Time gives you the opportunity to do things over/ life does not, it only knows what was, or is true. Being human lets you either accept or reject second chances; they are not simply owed. Be yourself. Be your honest self/ don’t lie, not even to you; change what you can to improve the truth of who you are. You cannot be someone else: so accept what you must/ change what you can/ do what you can do, and understand mercy decides eternity, it is not up to you. Which means: judge no one/ not even yourself. Let the law judge, and thereby intervene if it must.
17. If you must “save yourself” and get out of a relationship: that is your own true decision. Then do so, because staying in that relationship will not benefit either one. If you are in an abusive relationship/ redirect his or her attention to someone else if you can; so they don’t fixate on you. Create a listing of reality abuse if that is necessary in secret/ and simply mail it; so as it won’t be noticed, to the police/ asking them to intervene only as you direct. Keep a copy. In that way evidence has been submitted, and your abuser shall know: this is secret no more. Which is a very good deterrent/ because the vast majority of real violence is based upon the idea that “this secret” will never come out now. If it is already out/ he or she cannot hide; which is better than a gun/ which can be used against you. Which can create more troubles than it will fix.

Jim Osterbur

See Full Bio