I think, perhaps to be kind to myself

It is necessary to add a tiny bit more.  There are relationships to be shared, relationships that must be kept, and relationships that can only be honored, by keeping the disciplines and trust that they deserve.  I do not have a relationship with you, the reader or public at large/ that is largely because the years have proven you don’t want one.  To busy “being rich/ playing the game: going to be winner”.    That is distinctly not me.  You can’t fix debt with more debt/ but that is you, not me either. The fantasy is over, the bill is due/ no more delusion, either face your reality, or it will devour you.  So says the evidence of history. You can’t fix bankruptcy with more taxes.  Banking is not “the life-blood” of a nation, income is/ not more debt.  Banking is a means of expansion/ but that ends when all you create is more debt. Or more simply, the banks have been creating fraud, “not a loan/ an excuse to collect frivolous funds”.  And was used by government;  as a tool to collect more taxes already by increasing property taxes, through increased housing and business appraisals. Creating employment is about what people can do for themselves, it is not about begging large companies to find me something to do. They are leaving “for cheap labor”/ fully expecting to bring cheap products back to america to sell to you.  BUT without employment, and no credit, there is no money to buy with.  They would say, “can’t be”/ look at all these trillions of dollars we have/ a gross domestic product beyond anyone else!  But look at your debts, and you have nothing.  Look at the GDP in terms of reality, and you are selling major amounts of fraud and lies, as financing continues to sell fantasy and illusion, for monopoly money that has no real value. To return employment to reality, is to return to a fixed value with the money. Then people will search and find for themselves, because their own work cannot be stolen, used, or abused as it is today. There is only one way to return to “real money”/ and that is bankruptcy, ending the claims “you owe me, millions” to each worker.  And just plain being fair to all.  Either you will do this, or civil war is inevitable, and not far away.  When the government has no solutions, the people get tired of being trampled on, waiting for nothing.  Either truth or a gun, etc.  Take your pick.

I have been busy, for all but a tiny bit of time:   participating in knowledge, thought, and understanding.  Looking for ways to communicate:   all of this that you do, will turn out very bad. Life is in jeopardy.   Which you refused to hear, one man who understood the issues, was even forced to feel a little bit threatened, and answer the question, WE WILL have to pay for this later:   and “with a little fear in his eyes, but DETERMINATION in his voice”;    all he could think about was “I don’t care, for the first time in my life I am making good money/ and DON’T YOU do nothing to change that”.  So I let him go, even a tiny bit of fear was not enough, & gave up on finding people who cared enough, to put life first.  That left waiting until it became so obvious, and so easy to understand “we are in trouble”/ that I thought surely this, is enough.  But no, still you worry about the money, and care little for anything else/ because it interferes with your “WANT, to be rich”. And those now to poor to be considering “rich”/ are now worried for today, not tomorrow.  There were people I have lived with that could or perhaps would have helped if “a large enough organization” was available, so they could hide in it.  But not many. The base reality being of those who did not want desperately to be rich/ and those who found some money so they could “play the rich man, and enter greed/ power/ and pride”:   the rest, simply did not wish to get picked on/ and expected not to be heard anyway; therefore what could be done was worthless/ why bother.  Even for life on earth.  But alas life is not a game, and the day draws ever closer when it is clear, nothing is left that we can do.  Life is over, here on earth.

The endless charade of I am to stupid, or insignificant, or poor, or whatever it is:   is over.  You are a creation of    GOD by the genetics that HE CREATED, to sustain and establish life on earth.  YOU CAN do something/ and there is no excuse allowed for doing nothing;   this is, all life on earth.  You can continue to run away, but really:   WHERE are you going to run, when this entire planet is at the edge of collapse?  There is no place to go, and that is final. An inescapable truth.  The endless chatter of:   he is just an _________/ he don’t know nothing, he ain’t no expert; and we have media to tell us what we need to know.  Just a ________yelling the “sky is falling”. But that is not true to life, because you do see some of the tiny cracks, and can deduce that some attention must be paid.  So here comes the university to the rescue;   with experts to say, “we just want to be paid”.  While media and government only propagate what they want you to hear.  “Got to keep the people under control”.  Don’t want them taking charge for themselves, or running scared in a panic.  So anything “not friendly to the money”, is not something to be heard.  And alas, the people who depend upon media and government/ relying on university to defend them, are found lying in graves, just not buried yet.   What is important, is anything WE MUST NOT BE WRONG ABOUT.    Life is pretty much that simple/ or in other words, when playing “russian roulette”, with all life on earth, gambling we can survive that.  Sooner or later, the bullet WILL be in the wrong place, and all life is then over.  Such is the reality of mutilating genetics (nature), playing with energy beyond the limits of simple cause and effect, destroying food supplies, or preparing environments wherein it is impossible that life will survive this, long term.  And so on.   So then in reality of fact, the sky is not falling/ but the experiments of men are gambling with all life on earth.  And I do suggest you investigate what is true/ examine the reality for life in the future and now/ and determine if “you want these others, to gamble with your life too”.  BEFORE it is too late, and that bullet simply makes you “the living dead”.   But up to this day, from the “smartest, to the dumbest” all remain in hiding/ or just plain run away.  Perhaps there are a tiny few working, but it is not my privilege to know that/ I go by what I hear in public;   because these are issues that cannot be simply discarded, and will be talked about if understood or desired.  Don’t care, simply means “won’t hear”.

These are things that affect my life, realities and truth about things I believe an entire lifetime is worth spending or fighting for; and that is the truth.   Whether I fight alone or not, is NOT my concern. This is my job, because I DO UNDERSTAND the consequences of a failure to change for humanity.  My job however is finished, because more than enough know, that “WE SIMPLY CANNOT BE WRONG”.  Thereby, it is now “your job”.  My work is done/ apart from simple courtroom realities.   YOU HAVE, your opportunity to change.

It should be said, in initially trying to obtain female help for this, I did at one point look to understand “just how much control over my life” would be lost if they did come.  And admit, I consciously introduced factors that would drive them back away:   leaving the door open, for any who would be willing to accept,   “This is serious, and not for the weak or foolish”/ not free.  None came.  Even though it was clear, you could have benefitted, and there was no personal threat from me.
At fifty two years of age, “breasts and a female spirit” was introduced to me;   no escape.  But today after years of conflict at age 56, I do honestly say:   this has been a blessing to me.  It is the female method of living/ rather than male aggression, that is our only method of survival for a future on planet earth.  That will be proven true, either for good, or bad if you decline.  Even breasts have today become recognized, as an integral part of what truth has become for me.  Today they are literally a proven part of who I have become/ there is no “me today”, without them.  Consequently they too, are a blessing/ strange though that surely is.  Really, I am different/ than for 52 years of my life.  Not perverted.  But redefined “with woman in mind, perhaps even heart”.  Changed, what seems certain to be forever.
Of course that paragraph is filled with opportunity for ridicule, and people who either wish to humiliate me/ believe I humiliated them/ or want to test the limits of what I will tolerate.  A game, “out of me”.  

There is still the endless game of court/ wherein the people who want control, believe the law is strictly their tool; and they don’t have to obey it.  Plus those who want only to play thief, and take everything they can get.  But, in real terms, every society gets, the court system it demands:   welcome to your world.  Is not all government, and business the same?
After all these decades, I am having some tiny bit of trouble “winding down”/ all done, its up to you, not me now.  So I write this little thing, just for something to do.  Dissolved friendships along the way;   didn’t really have the time/ been busy!  And there were issues that could not be resolved without the danger of “knowing me”.  Although, since pride has life in this world “by the throat”, through greed or fear; that has not materialized to this day.  Still, I choose, and would not have changed, if I had to do it again:   I will not endanger you!   There is a long list of potential and real enemies/ and they would, and will appear if they are threatened by more than just a “murmur in the crowd”.  But they are not, to date, you do not care enough to defend life on the planet.  I do, wish it were not so.  And I am trying to be nice to you, but there is no nice way to say, “everything is going to die/ because so few cared enough to even try”.   It is not a statement of trying to make you fear.  This is a simple statement, “you are wrong, not to investigate and examine the evidence that have I”.  It is a tragedy, with consequences beyond anything imagined.

As to me, if I am done; apart from a little court work.  The reality is,   if the judge does pass by this courtroom case/ and cause it to go to appeals. As I know he does intend to do {it can be hard to go against your piers/ even when you know this is important}.  No worse than the rest.  Even though it is against the law.  The process of appeals will take too long/ I will do it anyway.  But the end result will be highly unlikely to gain acceptance until it is simply too late.  Consequently worthless, unless the people themselves take it to heart and cause this to happen.  Highly unlikely.  Takes heart, courage, discipline, and a decision to discard want and pride/ thereby working for life itself rather than selfishness.   “Not a lot of demand for that among the people of  this nation”.  Everybody wants it for themselves/ but nobody wants to do it for the others, not much anyway, not if it causes a problem or two.  Alas, EVERYTHING FOR FREE, is over (even if you are a university graduate) WE/ you must now pay, to return life itself, to a future on this earth. No more playtime/ you have to grow up.
Even so, as I consider the future for me, what is clear is:   I will be doing something else/ my work is done with this message.  Even with the court it is mere formalities.  As to women that is a completely open question, that I don’t know the answer too.  Without a court case,( opportunity for the people to find, what they need to know)  there is little purpose in preparing anything for a future that will not exist.  Therefore little purpose in being available to women for helping them.  But the spiritual woman will decide, that is love and honor returned to her/ for helping me with what I needed and desired to do.  It is her right to expect the help, but I cannot say what help that might be;   it is HER decision, not mine.  Apart from that, I have doubts about finding “a woman” to spend any real amount of time with.  Nearly toothless, not pretty, got breasts, not much money, not physically fit anymore, old vehicle, no home, mostly threw away the business (been busy);   basically NOT what women want, “anymore”.  My  Ears (tinitus) are limiting for so many things. 

 But I do have skills, just have to wait and see, what time or opportunity will create or destroy. A single trip to the hospital and I can be bankrupt for practically nothing/ a lost court case, and bankrupt because of fools.  Or who knows, plenty of people to hate me/ if they know I am here.  They would say “taking away their world”/ but that is not me, “its you, the people who took and took and took/ and never returned anything for life, or nation; didn’t care, too proud”.  Reality will not be addressed with lies anymore, you HAVE injured the nation and world, that much.    I may simply move so I don’t have to see the end of a nation, dissolving into dust. I do not intend to sacrifice the rest of my time here, to what others need instead of me.  But I do intend to help women for “LIFE FIRST”/ and as created by “the woman, who has shared my time, for these four plus years”/ spiritual or not.   If the “university” experiments don’t take us all first.  No clue where, been busy.  Don’t need to work “for the money”/ because the money isn’t worth working for.  Don’t need to work for retirement, because I can guarantee to you/ time will not continue without true change.  Even if it’s a tiny bit longer than predicted/ the end is coming soon. UNLESS you change with truth leading, reality deciding what can or cannot be done. 

I don’t have a problem with “university” in actual fact/ as to the simple truth of knowledge, hope for understanding, or expectations in wisdom.  I work for these things too.  It is the pride and tragedy of failure that I find repulsive. The demand for so much more money/ that you ruined a nation. The demand to play god so severe, that you gamble with an entire world of life/ that I find without a shred of honor, discipline, truth, or life. And let us not forget, that in just the state of IL, not only is the debt 11 billion or so/ but there is 38 billion, and growing everyday in unfunded pensions that make it impossible to correct the budget.  Consequently we see, the single largest contributor to financial bankruptcy for this state or any other, “is the education system”/ and its pension.  Or let us not forget, as bad as Wall Street was: the PRIMARY participant in all their doings, was the pensioner.  And the single largest group, is education across the nation.  Congratulations, you broke a nation.  How proud you must be/ but of course let us not forget all the help from every university graduate,  unions in every conception, and all the individuals (I want to be rich too), and so on.  But we certainly don’t want to forget “grandma and grandpa” who believe a trip to the hospital is free:  “Children need it/ HELL NO”, i AM more important!
Money is not a number, “it’s a life, and the time, effort, and resource to work”.  You intentionally made slaves. And didn’t care. Instead you all congratulated yourselves “winner”/ let them die.

It is possible this judge, in this current court case will find the strength to protect the law, and the people; and we will have an opportunity to begin for LIFE FIRST.   But it is also possible that a jury will fail/ or a county/ or a state or nation:   because in the end, this is about   TRUE AND REAL CHANGE.  And even if the majority understands this is necessary to survive/ there will be a great many people who will oppose, or want to “change just a little”/ rather than as needed to survive, and change a world so that a future will exist.  The list is long.  Nonetheless, with one tiny step, we can change this world:    If you care enough to do the work, and live as “life first” will demand.   It is not “a weekend retreat”/ this is forever.  Either for life, or what will become an ever growing hate.  It’s a choice. Either way, I have given you the keys to a future, presented you with opportunity, and instructed you with understanding.  That, is literally all I can do/ because it is your decision that now matters, it is not mine.  As to the potential work with women, that is entirely about the future, and is separate from your need to change.  The future is about understanding the relationships that will bring peace, harmony, and happiness.  NOT simple survival.

The purpose in this final writing is just to say again; life or death is up to you, not me/ I have been working for life.  The fact you do not understand me, is your fault, not mine/ you didn’t want to.  The fact you believe today “we do”/ is not critically true, as I am still trying to determine “what the new me is”, myself.  The simple fact is SO MUCH CHANGE has already occurred, it is impossible not to believe “somehow, I have become a girl”. You can’t imagine, well unless you’re a girl, I guess.  There is a problem when people think they know you, always there will come a fool who believes they can manipulate you then, and will try.  The list of potential people who would like to manipulate me, will grow.  The future undoubtedly will be populated with people “who have a plan”.  Rather than a desire to be friends.  A little pessimistic, but born out of reality over decades, and believe it or not, there is very little time left to make a difference that matters.  At least for any amount of real time. Your reprieve from economic collapse is ending/ they could only buy you time with credit that cannot be paid back. All the damage being done, is still progressing, and will surpass the opportunity for nature to rebuild soon.   It’s a reality described by “deteriorating nation and world” as well.  Just how it is, not trying to scare you.   You can believe your leaders if you wish, did they not tell you “all is well” for years/ “we’re going to be rich, going to be gods: hell no, we are gods”:   they were proven wrong!  Or you can believe your leaders as they tell you “all will be well” today/ as you live entirely on credit, and without the slightest opportunity to return to sanity unless there is bankruptcy to even the score and return to reality, truth, and equality. Or sanity in what you do to nature.  The leaders and university who care most about money, pride, and power will be proven wrong/ all is not well, and deteriorating every day.  It’s a choice, to believe them or the evidence instead.  Even if you do have to work for your own opinion instead of lie on the couch and wait for the tv to tell you what to think. The rich man always believes, “nothing bad will happen to me/ I will leave and buy anything I want”.  Regardless of reality, an idiot and a fool.

I am not giving up.  This is our reality of the moment, and very little points to the fact, “that you have not given up”.  I can’t save you.  That is a fact.  YOU are the difference, between “yes, we will live” or no, too little too late, its over.  Make your decision.

For the sake of “a soldier”/ I will remind you, that a great many people wear prosthetic devices:   all false teeth, come under this heading.  They are not different, just injured, and living with reality.

For the sake of living life, I remind each one:   we must live the life we are given, in the body, and with the mind we are born with (anything else is a pure miracle).  But that is not all life is, because we are entitled, and even commanded to take what we have, and build an identity with the truth that we perceive and desire to employ as our time here on earth.  It is adultery, to desire someone else’s life, rather than your own.  Regardless of how much more someone else has, you have value too. Everyday is a blessing, or a curse, and that is not entirely, but primarily dependent upon what you decide to do, with your own life. If you are willing to pay the price “both respect and truth combined to engineer as much purity in you as is possible”/ then you can go beyond time to see in life, the potential and passages of eternity.  BUT IT IS, a dangerous place/ and people do die here, because they were not properly prepared;   but had pride instead.  Pride is an enemy, and it is extremely hard to destroy, without surrendering “it all”.  Can’t hold on to anything, which means you must accept people will say whatever they say; so that life leads you, rather than people.  The reality is: unless pride dies, “you cannot be reborn”/ as a different person than you were. Pride finds us all/ but getting rid of pride, is a choice, if it is not forced upon you.  If it is, you have been blessed.  It is a great blessing to be rid of pride, and a new life will begin without it. 

Our question, is not why “did   GOD   do the things we do not understand”/ but rather our question as humanity is, WHY did we not do, what we know should have been done.  On the issue of Haiti, or any other ground fault movement that takes life, or other catastrophe/ one of the things we do need to remember is:   this planet earth has needs too!  And without critical movements, the planet itself is in trouble.  Consequently it is our job, to know how best to build for ourselves/ rather than to blame   GOD    That the world we live on must move from time to time. 
On more simple matters of “love and joy”, let the simple things be pure to you.  Love, hope, happiness are all based upon the foundation of acceptance, for the lives who can and do touch your heart, and reach for your soul in trust.  Not those who cannot be trusted/ but those who are able to find in themselves some aspect of value by which life is known as “good”.  We are alive today.  We live our lives, with the people who are “here, and now” as best we can/ or we must move on, and try again.  We are targeted, by the people who need love/ because without love, there is only depression and death waiting forever. But they rarely return love, and as a consequence do intend to steal.  We are an opportunity of life shared, because we do exhibit the time and talent and hope that is recognized as caring.  We are “the children of    GOD”    , because our identity is true, to life, love, respect, and hope.  It is not a religion that grants you eternity,    “It is   GOD   HIMSELF”   Do remember that, and understand, the religions of men have no power at all.  “Doesn’t mean they are bad”/ just means religion is not “your passport, your ticket, your guarantee, or any other such thing”.  Truth will decide, who can be eternal, or not.

It is worth noting, that few charities are honest or true.  It is worth noting, that “experimental children’s medicine” is in fact using these children as “guinea pigs”/ and is NOT without true heartbreak in and of itself.  Before you give here, or send your child here, understand a price that is more valuable than money, will be paid.  Instead of blind faith, look to see “damage done” first.  The lesson of predator and prey is: for the good of the whole, some will die. If everyone lived, the planet would have died a long time ago (billions more people, on a planet that could not sustain them).  Consequently, it is better when by random event such as disease or accident some are lost/ simply because how would you like it if some human, or religious nut, said you die today? That would not be better/ we could choose to regulate population control, and we must. My nephew died of a brain tumor at 9 months tragically. Would have “saved him” if anything was possible, but it was not.  Some knowledge is gained by experimentation/ but the real question is it worth the price: because it is paid in pain, and eternity can be lost, even for a child.  Just how it is.  THINK beyond yourself/ remind yourself beyond this moment, there will be the reality for the rest of their life!  Be kind/ it is not always, a simple concept.

One of the things that you should always remember is: wherever the money is, “the human vultures will gather”.  As is always true, of money the swindlers and thieves will arrive quickly.  Money given to Haiti, will fare no better than for Katrina wherein nearly all went for nothing but fools or failures or greed.  It is the college graduate that is in charge of the money, and apart from delusion, fantasy, illusions of grandeur, and plain thievery they love to give each other “a million dollar bonus”, for picking __________off the floor.  In other words, they take your money, and give it to themselves for nothing intended.  That does not mean the money wasn’t given honestly and in good faith/ doesn’t even mean the diplomas really intended to steal;   “They are just spoiled children without a clue”.  Playing where they don’t belong.  Certainly not all, an education does not make you an immediate idiot.  But the failure to understand reality, because you do not understand the situation in real life terms is a disaster, when the people who are determined to get the money, actually do know how.
I guess, or understand;   “I am not being nice again”/ not using a soft touch again.  But I am working on it, as best I can.  As has been true of my life, and this work:   a mixture in me of both male and female has proven to be productive and most  suited to the needs of this moment; female more than male.  What we all need for life and the purpose of a survivable tomorrow is a combination of both graduate and worker/ both male and female/ an HONEST relationship between all parties that does not assume “leadership”, but expects reality to define the solution, and truth to hear and understand how that situation may best be considered with all support and intelligence possible.  A “school grade” is irrelevant/ but true common sense and awareness of the situation,  is always a very valuable and real commodity.  Hold the money tight, until it is proven what will be done/ who will do it/ what will they be paid/ and when is this going to be done, and by whom will the supplies be provided.  Fix what you can/ the future has needs too.

It should be noted, and hereby is established for your consideration:   that twenty to thirty years ago, doctors attached “schizophrenic” to my name.  IT WAS THEIR FAILURE, not mine.  But that exists as a piece of my history. The issue was, a situation created over less than a week, in Washington DC/ where I was staying at a Lutheran church on 16th street, in the basement (a hostel sort of thing for a couple weeks). Working on inventions at the time, a pleasant friendly time.

The reality was, a desire to learn more has never left me, since I was little/ and the opportunity arose as an image in the sky;   which required “abandon the other people”.  So I did, and then demanded who are you, it was a useless endeavor proven to be without strength, truth, or life/ UNTIL, this image said to me “those two false teeth, are not of GOD/ and corrupt the body: or some such similar thing”. Image disappeared forever after that.  Only at that moment, did I become in trouble:   because I did not know, what I believed, regarding the statement “if I had corrupted the body given to me”.  Thinking “better safe than sorry”/ I took them (permanent false teeth) back out.  THAT WAS AN ERROR, it is our body to do with as we please, no exceptions.  A tiny bit more, which would be hard to explain for you/ let it just be said.   I learned to accept my belief in GOD in more concrete terms.  Learned what was true or not true about me, and what I or who I was in simple terms of honesty.  Learned it is not enough to believe simply/ it is absolutely necessary to not only understand what you believe, but believe what you understand.  And in the end sorted through the realities of that tiny period of time, to find the keys required to enter within what is “beyond time”.  The very first and foremost reality is truth, in every conceivable aspect of your life.  Followed by there must be, a clear path/ I followed    JESUS    As written of in the bible; and HE did rescue me from time to time, in arena’s beyond this time.  Believe it or not.  Of some interest is: you must travel through the outer fringe, before entering truth itself/   “Like walking through a horde, in the twilight of time, they are the desperate/ and will try to distract”.  Past them however, life is very interesting. Some advice is:   do not LET anything or anyone convince you to consider yourself, in ANY way or manner to be “like GOD”.  (Such as I understand, it is not so).  Just be thankful for life, respectful of life, and true to the realities of life through love.  Never fear.  Never accept “better safe than sorry”/ you will be sorry. That is not life, that is fear/ you must choose instead, based upon known facts, or let it be set aside if you cannot choose at this time, until the day a decision made in truth can stand out as your acceptance by this decision.  I was in a hospital for three weeks, after this, one week to stabilize: two weeks more because “I was unique, and didn’t fit the profile”.  It was another year before I entered into “beyond time (no images, by decision and purpose)”/ cementing in what is absolutely true inside yourself, requires time, thought, and work first. 
Of relationships that exist today comes the truth, I am not yet able to understand what is true, about the consequence of becoming female.  That means I am entirely dependent upon the female spirit who has caused this to happen.  But I do trust her, and I do present this work as evidence of love, work, life, and a relationship that deserves trust.
As to religions, the Lutheran version of the church where this all started, has since lost its way/ and knows not what it believes anymore.  But they were no great influence.  Pastors who believe they have influence, simply do not.  My own beliefs IN    GOD    , due to the experience above, were changed to limit belief to exactly what I believe IS TRUE, that I can support without the slightest doubt/ and that is all. 

So ends this writing and this work, to achieve an opportunity for life on earth to survive.  It is not a game/ the evidence demands it is true, either you will truly change for good, or you will die instead.   Its up to you/ if you “wait to see”; by the time all know “we must”, it will simply be too late.  You MUST use your mind.  YOU MUST THINK about what the future will be without change.  You must accept your responsibility for this world, which the leaders of men, have damaged so very much.  And you must learn RESPECT, or you will fail.  Failure is a destroying the world by experiment in energy/ ending the planet without a chance to survive.  Failure is destroying the life on this planet, by insanity/ cascading in an ever increasing need for violence as it becomes clear you are the living dead:   Hell, by a single name.  Failure is destroying the sanctity of life (Armageddon), by ending discipline, balance, order, beauty, and everything good    GOD   created, because you insisted on playing god, and allowed the “little satans” which surround you to execute life on earth.
These are choices/ because they are caused deliberately by men, and the leaders of men, as are weapons of mass destruction and every other element that has been prepared by men for your extermination.  It would seem according to scientists, that there is also an asteroid coming in less than thirty years which if it does not hit, but skirts by the atmosphere/ will cause the planet to burn/ and a second round 7 years later, a probable catastrophic collision. [it can be dealt with, “like hitting a ball with a bat”].  But that is their scenario in large part, not mine, I don’t know. 

It is “kind to me” that I write the description of my life, rather than letting others/ just in case you do find your heart, and work for life first.   Thereby, Making me a target, to any and all, who do not want change.  Summed up, I am not perfect/ not your leader or savior, etc.  This is my journey, if you have built an identity for yourself, it is “same, but different”; like yours, in many ways/ aside from the whole “male/ female” thing.  Really, such a surprise you can’t imagine. Such a change, I still cannot really understand it at all.                      
I DO wish you well.