The elemental fabric of my life, “the critical bindings:  between life, purpose, desire, and hope”.  Fundamentally make me aware, that I have no life left within the auspices of male.  If you look at the previous date above, that reality became absolutely clear in the foundation of anger which still broils; because of the truth, as ALL life on earth we stand on the very edge of complete disaster and worse.  What is man in me, has lost his ability to forgive you for that; at least at this time or in the foreseeable future.  Because it absolutely DID NOT have to be;   YOUR arrogance, want, pride, power; etc refused to choose life first over these past decades when a better decision could have been made.  Nonetheless, that age is over/ the end result is; not only did you choose badly for yourselves/ but proved an intent to assassinate your children as well.  Shame on you, is enough for “the female in me”/ because she knows that there is a limit to what “I can do”; and it does not include violence, confrontation beyond a legal means, or the reliance on strength and determination in the face of others.  What is male, apparently still envisions war/ as confrontation that cannot be dismissed.  That is no longer me, no longer my purpose or desire; thanks to female intervention that could be said “to have saved me from these things”.  Fighting with men is pointless, it always leads to violence, revenge, and war with mutilation and murder.  THAT IS A; “ critical step beyond true confrontation”: the need to make you understand, and hold you bound by whatever means necessary; until we both know YOU DO understand/ and literally make this decision, OF LIFE OR DEATH, for yourselves/ and your children.
So then, we have the elemental means, to achieve an understanding of what it takes to push my life beyond the boundaries of male; to ask female:   WHAT would you do! The disciplines necessary to understand what is spiritual all begin in truth.  Take a look at where you have been led, and know your own journey’s for all but the tiniest few, have not even begun.  There is no purpose in greater explanations/ you cannot understand.  That is not arrogance, or lack of respect, or devaluing you; it is just a plain fact, that instead of working on your own lives, the vast majority chose want/ and have been competing to see who can get or steal the most trophies.  I did not compete; most “laughed at me/ found the means to ridicule/ or other”.  Just as you do with all others, to make yourselves greater than you are.  I am simply a worker, for life/ not trophies or want: that alone,  made us different.  Today, there is more.

The reflection of a life established by both male and female parts (breasts, that are absolutely not male)/ has changed my world.  The reality of female ways, intruding to accomplish the most basic need of my life: to find a way, which gives hope, for life on earth.  To accept, that I must trust: there will be enough time given in a reprieve/ so that you can learn and decide instead of simply die.   Have all been highly desired, thereby accomplishing the purposes of male; “all done”; because of female intervention!  That leaves the truth, I am indebted/ even though overtaken and controlled by “a limited sexual context”;  as explained in these writings. 
Truth does not force/ truth provides the access to participate within its own boundaries of life and living.  You must accept the parameters/ because if you do not, the alternative is to be thrown out into the world that you yourself have created instead.  Failing to know everything about truth means: that will be a lie/ there are consequences accordingly.  I do NOT choose, to participate outside the truth in any form.  That is not a statement of extreme detail/ but the absolute purpose of a direction that then determines the journey.  I do now belong, to the spiritual truth of women/ even though I do not truly belong to the same dimensional environment they establish as themselves.  I live in the middle, of male and female instead; it seems to be “my own truth instead”/ even though I do not understand.  It is a world beyond male, but not female either; although “she” does own the rights. 
Bear in mind, although I am inviting you to understand/ in NO possible way, do I force you to read or acknowledge the words as right, wrong/ good or bad.  Its your decision not mine.

I stand personally at a cross roads/ as do you.  My decision is to accept the journey into female consequences and adjust my life as necessary/ or not.  Your decision is to accept the facts of life as they are today/ governed by reality of threats and a future that will not survive without significant and very substantial change in you as well/ or not.   As stated earlier: if I were to refuse, the consequences are grim/ because I am not god, therefore would end as a life dissolving into lies, and their consequences.  I UTTERLY REFUSE!  One way or another, I will adjust somehow; as best I can.  As stated earlier:   if you were to refuse the facts of life as reality and truth dictate them top be/ YOU would end as a life dissolving into hell/ hades/ Armageddon, the apocalypse, etc.  Not because I say so/ because the evidence proves it is to be so; without dramatic change.

My full and clear expectation in this is NOT: “costumes, accessories;   this has NOTHING to do with men;  excuses, or other assumptions of “he wants to be a girl”.  Nor do I have expectations of sexual interest; as personal descriptions are not “what women commonly want”.  Rather it is my expectation to learn, because I must/ because I turn my life and do so hereby choose it, without reservation (as best I can).  Left to my own devises, none would notice any great differences/ apart from kindness reinvented, or hope reestablished, or vulnerability that must be dealt with.  I honestly don’t have a clue/ apart from what I have been recently taught to this point of time.   The other side of that reality however is: the spiritual woman is in control; and I am not.  I DO NOT know why, why me, or what comes next; it is not my decision.  Not being “female” means;   I don’t know/ not a clue, what she has in store as a reality of change in me or too me either.  Although there have been clear “hints”; NONE of them were mine, even though written by me:  it is a spiritual thing you would not understand; if you don’t already.  I cannot say, what, why, when, how, where, or who; or even if; I simply don’t know!  I must live it, to find out/ it’s not a choice.  There is no going back/ I absolutely refuse war and its results as a world wide knowledge, without the possibility of court as the means to resolve this crisis of earth.   Truth is my only destiny for life, and I don’t care what you believe or think or assume.  Male or female are “environmental issues”/ not life issues, apart from living.  It’s the people, that alter reality; by their prejudice or expectation, establishing lies, rather than freedom or truth. That too is a choice.  When you degrade, judge someone, or something as worthless, or decide they have little value to you: that opens the door to “terrible things”/ but it is a choice you alone make.  Not me.  Hate is a reality of war against all things life; a consequence of personal truth that judges itself.

Your full and clear expectation for survival, must be:   NOT “power, pride, arrogance, or want/ NOT the reset of selfishness, gluttony, or greed.  But the building of a foundation for life must come first in all our decisions for the future.  Because if it does not, some if not all will die.  This is NOT the same world as 50 years ago by any means: today we are 7 billion people; enough people to stand as one individual on every single acre of green (growing) earth.  And we cannot do this anymore.  Men will lose their power; and become equal.  Women will lose their ability to believe a child is their own answer.  You, have become “gods” over this earth/ meaning your decision alone stands as the difference between life or death for this planet.  More than enough information has been given to prove this is so.  Do whatever it is you wish to do.  BUT REMEMBER THIS, past the point of no return which is soon/ nature cannot feed or care for you anymore.  Cannot recover itself, to keep you alive.  That leaves only cannibalism and war.  Without an end to genetic experimentation/ mutilation and crucifixion of everything alive is next, if you fail to stop it all.  Failure means HORRORS beyond imagination.  It’s a choice/ take away their tools, their money, and their rights.  Stop the threats, or they will kill you all.  Simple as that.  This is not a game, it is your reality and mine.
The future WILL be different for both of us.  I because I do believe   GOD CAN MAKE ME A WOMAN, if HE so desires to do.  Or as is my individual truth, the spiritual woman in charge of female truth and environment can as well, if GOD allows it.   I certainly cannot/ nor would I ever attempt to try;   I am not god/ there is no possibility. Not my desire to be ANYTHING other than what   GOD gave to me in life; this is a choice with a difference.  GOD comes first.   I believe man and woman are equal in every sense of the word/ therefore it is irrelevant to me which I should be.  The only true question is “body and mind”.  I cannot answer for that, but I believe “anything is possible with GOD”.  Simple as that.
As I look back, at the man I was; the reality seems clear to me, he has died for all intents and purposes.  It literally took everything he had to get this far.  The anchors are gone/ the foundations are gone/ most of the primary and secondary memories are gone/ most of the physical attributes are gone/ and other male contributions just not mine anymore.  But he got his wish; you do have a chance to make a different decision and survive/ not just wake up, the living dead;  one day soon. It is your choice now!

As I look forward at “female and me”:   I am taught, I have no rights or control over parts and pieces that belong strictly to me.  I find that completely unfair/ but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  A fact far too many women and girls,  around this world already know about; I am, sad to say.  Perhaps men will learn something, but I doubt it/ without force, and the boundaries called law.  That, requires you.  How on earth, my introduction and living, within this personal, new world can be of benefit to life, and in particular to women; is a mystery.  The end result being:    I am here, at this moment, that is the best I can do.  Its up to you, as women to decide what could possibly be next.  I don’t know, just lost;   don’t know how to be female;  that is not a temptation, it is just a fact.
End of the story/ I am done telling you about me.

Your future will be different as well, by your own decision.  IF YOU ASK   OUR CREATOR, for HIS BLESSING on your work for life first.  I strongly believe you will be answered with life, hope, and happiness to come.  Not by religion!  Rather by the truth of your own HONEST beliefs.  By searching inside yourself, for the truth of what you do believe is real/ and accepting that relationship with your life, as a participant in love with you.  Regardless of the ending, on a personal level: understand this, that whether this world lives or dies/ YOUR decision for life, equals the truth of your gift to eternity.  The question that becomes a path unto your soul.  Find soul, and you shall NOT be lost.  Even if less than you could have been.  It’s a decision/ governed by your own distinct truth as an identity called life.

Dated 2/ 8/ 11
questions and identities expand the differences between male and female, I am now faced with the composition of either thought or life/ that I have no power to control my own future.  Power in this case being, the absolute right to decide what that future should be, by my choice. 

It is a fundamental change.  To some degree, I now see myself as an “ male image, of who I was,” standing beside the new me.  I do not know, if that can influence time, by helping me in life, or not.  It is, “a strange reality”. 
There is NO expectation for “viewable change” in my life/ apart from perhaps a different “temperament”.  But I honestly don’t know what this future will bring; I have no understanding sufficient enough to provide that information.
Nonetheless, if I am to help women, as it appears I must.  Then women must find a way to express the top 4-7 things they truly wish to change that I might be able to help with.  I cannot legally represent you/ I am not a lawyer; however perhaps a direction or something is useful.  I don’t know what it is you need.  Simply tell me; so that whatever it is, that I am suppose to do for you can be done.

Just so its clear: even if I have traded places with women/ that doesn’t mean I am just going to be pushed down, used, or abused without some form of “respect for my life”.  I do understand sometimes there is no choice for you as women/ but much of what can be taught in simple defense; can be used against you, by other men,  just as easily.  It is still, the best defense:   to use chemicals for identification of an assailant/ creating identification useful in court/ applying the call for help even if you cannot/ and allowing for the tracking of an individual simply from smell:   most predators survive, do to smells, because it works.  As would be available to you through jewelry that works to release such chemicals when under attack.  Jewelry because it is worn, easily reachable, on the outside (no hunting), and can be applied in numerous locations on the body or clothes to aid in its release.    THINK about it, and you will be helped by it.

May   GOD    Bless us all.

My hand and arm is now giving considerable more trouble with carpel tunnel/ no more writing apart from court.  It comes and goes somewhat;   perhaps a little more.
The four home row keys on the right side need to be exchanged with the four top row keys on the right side, and most carpel tunnel will disappear.  YOU CAN relearn this relatively easy.

It is a spoken concern today that football has become too dangerous/ resulting in life time injuries.  The simple solution is to put sensing devices within the helmets so that an actual record is kept to determine how hard this helmet was hit.  A wireless signal, or flashing lights built into the helmet, or voice;  would then establish by levels set, who can or cannot stay in a game.  It would establish who was hitting too hard, and thereby get them ejected from the game/ or season.  It could establish in professional football, a personal penalty for dangerous play; accounting for a monetary or other cost applied to you/ paid to the one you hit.  Sensors on the helmet strap would also indicate damage due to the alternate force.

Apart from NO MAN is invited here/ lest you be cursed for an eternity.  That   said however:   it is still certain and sure, more so each day/ that I have traded places with women.  They now have power over me, “I can feel it”/   in a similar sense that men have power over them.  I don’t know why, or why me: its NO SAY left:  you can’t imagine, “its life as a girl, for women”! I am “dismantled”/ and changed. Not a temptation, who would want this/ even if its not likely to be sexual, “not pretty, no teeth basically, too old; etc”?  It is still not “a comfortable thought”, being the only one in a tremendously large group. The question remains, WHY me? I don’t know why.  Revelation 12 comes true.  The spiritual woman inside, now owns my life.  This story is complex, and spread through several sites; read them if you wish.  It feels a little like being changed into a child, a teenage girl, & she is the parent. I have my own existence, but she controls my reality.  The life inside of me remains the same/ but the identity assigned by time has changed.  I do not understand why. The value in this, (no clue what it is I am suppose to be or do)/ is a complete mystery.  There is NO “turning back”/ whatever is coming, will just be, “my new world”. Whatever it is she desires from me, IS going to happen in me. I DON’T know why.  It is a strange existence.  I write as I wish, tempered by female;  unless its about women; in which case I am completely controlled.  Otherwise, it is the life I have lived which writes; even though I don’t own that life anymore; it’s a strange environment, reshaped to be “something different”/ and I don’t even know what.  Just have to wait and see!
I am,  Just trying to understand how to live this life;   so many things can go wrong.  Don’t know where to go, or what to do with this “new me”/ can’t imagine how to put anything back together; its all gone.  Don’t know what on earth I am suppose to do with this new life; somewhere between female and male/ because there are still some male and female parts and pieces that don’t belong together here.  It’s a strange life.  So much so, that “a journal” seems necessary at this time; establishing basic periods of change; so as not to get lost.  I really don’t know how it all ends.  My mind is different/ my body is different/ my ways are a little different/ my feelings are different/ my life is different; I don’t even know what to hope for, in terms of a personal future.   Honestly, you just can’t imagine.  DIFFERENT.  My whole life feels different, wants different things,  body too!  And the female spirit inside demands, that I write so that you will know.  Good/ bad/ or indifferent, that is how it is. Like it or not is absolutely irrelevant.

Love is a destiny, not a sex or a body/ rather it exists in the treasury that is your, or my soul.  The endless ridicule that is certain to come, does not conceive of happiness/ it only knows want.  The difference is: being alive (I AM more than I can imagine, a miracle created by GOD: as are you), and sharing life (you are the difference called soul, the place where we meet;  because trust allows that to be so): gives us the value called love.  Love is a true gift, the heart that beats because the passage of time has opened a door, to the rhythms we then share. 
The essence of life is not time, it is desire.  Desire conceives of more, because it lifts the spirit of existence beyond ourselves to create a path established by one/ striving for the voice and expression and experience of two, or more.  Desire means: to belong, where only life may go.  To decide, what only life may choose.  To be, the elemental truth of a living creation.
Where we meet, life begins.  Because absolute loneliness, is not a destiny any living thing can endure.

May 1, 2011
What I do understand is:  It occurs to me, that my breasts no longer have a massive effect on me.  I have somehow adjusted to the chemicals.  There are different effects now, the chemicals seem “to make me a little off balance”; not “walking”/ but living, as if something is missing or needed or something like that; don’t know why.  IT IS NOT “men”.   What I do know is, that male is now “the spiritual side of me”/ he still writes, because I know he needs to finish the work in its entirety, but that is all.  “I” am now different.  The mirror is ugly, but nobody is promised to like what they “get in life”.  We all have to do the best we can, with what we have.